Midnight Spin

(The Third Installment!) 

 

"So, Barb, what do you do for work?" Rocky asked, opening his third bottle of beer. The night prior, Barb had accepted the park ranger's invitation to bathe together in the moonlight, and that was how she got in this quandary.

 

"I take photos of tractor bones," Barb chuckled. "And then I sell them to model luxury homes." 

 

Rocky smiled, "It's the kind of love you can't get rid of fast enough." 

 

Tears welled up in Barb's eyes for a few seconds before she wiped them away.

 

"What's it like being a park ranger?" she asked.

 

He replied, "Well, it's mostly dealing with out-of-towners like yourself and your husband." He cracked open another beer, his fourth of the night, and continued, "The other bit is just being out here, patrolling the wilderness." Wilderness was right. The Moon cast a bright light, illuminating the entire field, as well as the treetops. A warm breeze skimmed the hot tub's surface while a thin, ominous fog coated the ground. 

 

The King of Late Night: Taking a Risk

"I remember being on the road, doing live shows with Tom Shillue, and he was interested in checking out the city we happened to be in, by foot. It was rainy and grimy and I had mentioned that I didn't want the hassle. He reframed my anxiety by turning it into curiosity. 'Don't you want to see what's out there? Greg, life is an adventure!' He said this with his eyes almost popping out of his head. He was right. Then we got mugged." -Greg Gutfeld (page 161)

 

For me, Joe, a good friend of mine, pulled me out of the slow lane, the lane where you live a "clean, boring life." And that's how I got in an odd place, putting my writing hand in a sugary, liquid-filled blue Jolly Rancher bag. He said something along the lines of "You could win a free prize" to entice me.

 

What was the liquid? Water? Urine, probably.

 

The bottom of the bag was covered with squishy, sticky, melted candy bits. I hit one, and then tried to maneuver around them like a minesweeper during World War 2. Or like Indiana Jones, dodging the squishy, blown up Aztec temples, also due to World War 2.

 

And that's also how I was pushed off a cliff, by Joe. Turned out he was a crazed German spy whose real name was Lars Einhoff, and was searching for the Ark of the Covenant. He made it pretty far, bushwhacking his way through the Amazon jungle, while I stood triumphantly on the cliff, holding the shiny golden box thing in one hand and a bunch of chips in the other. 

 

Lemonworld

(Sequel to 'Lemonade'!) 

 

"Barb, remind me why we have to have dinner with a park ranger again," Ron commented sarcastically as he straightened his orange tie.

 

"We are doing this because the doctor said that you should be active, especially after your fall," Barb replied. "Besides, when was the last time we dined out?" She smiled. That was her way of saying, "Just go along with it."

 

"No..." Ron paused to think. "Wasn't that guy the local medicine man? The one with a cats and dogs degree, I think," he continued, as he held the large mahogany doors open for Barb. Once inside, Ron looked around the dining room. The likes of divorced insurance salesmen, grey suits stained from pizza, and middle-aged businesswomen seemed to mingle at the bar.

 

It had all the makings of a rustic lodge: wooden trusses holding the ceiling up, paired with the log-cabin-esque walls, and a few antler chandeliers. At the far side of the room, an out of place stand-up comedian, dressed with a red blazer and a Stanzo fedora, was setting up for his show. Ron and Barb eyed Rocky, the park ranger they had met in Bright Falls, who waved to them excitedly from the table he had reserved.

 

One More Thing!

 

 

Greg's Birthday Steak Cake...RFK copied him!

Gutfeld! 1/16/25

The Lineup: Kennedy, Walter Kirn, Sherrod Small, and Sean Davis!

 

 

Gutfeld: Sherrod, you sleep on the beach, don't you?

Sherrod: Oh, sometimes. Coney Island. They give out free Nathan's hot dogs over there during the day.