Midnight Spin

(The Third Installment!) 

 

"So, Barb, what do you do for work?" Rocky asked, opening his third bottle of beer. The night prior, Barb had accepted the park ranger's invitation to bathe together in the moonlight, and that was how she got in this quandary.

 

"I take photos of tractor bones," Barb chuckled. "And then I sell them to model luxury homes." 

 

Rocky smiled, "It's the kind of love you can't get rid of fast enough." 

 

Tears welled up in Barb's eyes for a few seconds before she wiped them away.

 

"What's it like being a park ranger?" she asked.

 

He replied, "Well, it's mostly dealing with out-of-towners like yourself and your husband." He cracked open another beer, his fourth of the night, and continued, "The other bit is just being out here, patrolling the wilderness." Wilderness was right. The Moon cast a bright light, illuminating the entire field, as well as the treetops. A warm breeze skimmed the hot tub's surface while a thin, ominous fog coated the ground. 

 

The King of Late Night: Taking a Risk

"I remember being on the road, doing live shows with Tom Shillue, and he was interested in checking out the city we happened to be in, by foot. It was rainy and grimy and I had mentioned that I didn't want the hassle. He reframed my anxiety by turning it into curiosity. 'Don't you want to see what's out there? Greg, life is an adventure!' He said this with his eyes almost popping out of his head. He was right. Then we got mugged." -Greg Gutfeld (page 161)

 

For me, Joe, a good friend of mine, pulled me out of the slow lane, the lane where you live a "clean, boring life." And that's how I got in an odd place, putting my writing hand in a sugary, liquid-filled blue Jolly Rancher bag. He said something along the lines of "You could win a free prize" to entice me.

 

What was the liquid? Water? Urine, probably.

 

The bottom of the bag was covered with squishy, sticky, melted candy bits. I hit one, and then tried to maneuver around them like a minesweeper during World War 2. Or like Indiana Jones, dodging the squishy, blown up Aztec temples, also due to World War 2.

 

And that's also how I was pushed off a cliff, by Joe. Turned out he was a crazed German spy whose real name was Lars Einhoff, and was searching for the Ark of the Covenant. He made it pretty far, bushwhacking his way through the Amazon jungle, while I stood triumphantly on the cliff, holding the shiny golden box thing in one hand and a bunch of chips in the other. 

 

Lemonworld

(Sequel to 'Lemonade'!) 

 

"Barb, remind me why we have to have dinner with a park ranger again," Ron commented sarcastically as he straightened his orange tie.

 

"We are doing this because the doctor said that you should be active, especially after your fall," Barb replied. "Besides, when was the last time we dined out?" She smiled. That was her way of saying, "Just go along with it."

 

"No..." Ron paused to think. "Wasn't that guy the local medicine man? The one with a cats and dogs degree, I think," he continued, as he held the large mahogany doors open for Barb. Once inside, Ron looked around the dining room. The likes of divorced insurance salesmen, grey suits stained from pizza, and middle-aged businesswomen seemed to mingle at the bar.

 

It had all the makings of a rustic lodge: wooden trusses holding the ceiling up, paired with the log-cabin-esque walls, and a few antler chandeliers. At the far side of the room, an out of place stand-up comedian, dressed with a red blazer and a Stanzo fedora, was setting up for his show. Ron and Barb eyed Rocky, the park ranger they had met in Bright Falls, who waved to them excitedly from the table he had reserved.

 

One More Thing!

 

 

Greg's Birthday Steak Cake...RFK copied him!

Gutfeld! 1/16/25

The Lineup: Kennedy, Walter Kirn, Sherrod Small, and Sean Davis!

 

 

Gutfeld: Sherrod, you sleep on the beach, don't you?

Sherrod: Oh, sometimes. Coney Island. They give out free Nathan's hot dogs over there during the day.

Lemonade

"We're going to be late for writing class!" Ron exclaimed.

 

"No, we won't," Barb replied, kissing him on the cheek before letting him go. She held open the large, mahogany doors for him and said her goodbyes. Behind Ron, the 12-foot doors creaked shut as he scanned the room briefly. All he saw was a sea of writers seated on brightly colored yoga mats. Weird posters on the wall featured shadowed figures: some smiling and others faced away from the blinding light of the sun through the patio door.

 

Ron sat down on a yellow yoga mat, around 20 feet from the instructor. A glass of lemonade was placed next to every mat which he enjoyed wholeheartedly. Beside Ron, a blonde lady with an angry look on her face kept glancing at him. He almost felt tempted to say something, but rather bit his tongue instead. "Welcome to my class," Laura, the instructor, greeted the group of 21 writers. "I'll teach all of you how to write something that's not a steaming pile of crap..." 

The instructor droned on and on about books and metaphors. The others nodded in agreement whenever she said something. But Ron didn't. In fact, he wasn't even listening. The instructor's voice only acted as background chatter to him. "I'm going to kill you," the blonde lady leaned over and muttered. Ron looked at her, but the blonde lady was faced forward. He swore he heard her say something.

 

Factorio DEMO

Craig Perko got me into Factorio! He talked about cocaine and logistics, so that got me hooked (not literally, I'm CLEAN).

His comments on the game:

 

"A batch can be jumpstarted using an assembler and trash to make a few units of cocaine. From there you can easily split both fruit types into jam, then combine the jam into chicken nuggies, which can be made into vast amounts of cocaine.

 

The problem is, we can't simply combine everything into nuggies, because iron and copper require jam to get started, with a 2% success rate. So if we're doing iron/copper, we need to grind jam until we've seeded it, but we need the nuggies BEFORE it's seeded-"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's Five O'Clock in New York City (Thanksgiving!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm Greg Gutfeld along with Kayleigh Mcaneny, Harold Ford Junior, Jesse Watters, and our thanksgiving table is a coaster. Dana Perino. This is the Five."

 

After dinner, do you go for a walk or take a nap?

 

Harold: We used to have a great touch football game as kids. Now my kids are getting old enough they would go in the back and do a run around.

Greg: Your life is like one big Newport commercial. A guy throwing a
frisbee, another guy throwing a football.

 

Tetlin Junction's Forty Mile Roadhouse

 

When coming into Tetlin Junction from Tok, travelers would have to cross the Tanana River on the original, 1943 cantilever truss bridge. During the winter, the bridge would blend into the snowy surroundings quite easily due to its white hue. 

 

For better or for worse, Tetlin Bridge was replaced in the mid-2010s by a newer one located 200 feet north.

 

Around 2 miles from the bridge and where State Routes 2 and 5 (Alaska and Taylor Highways) meet, you can see what's left of the quaint Forty Mile Roadhouse. In its heyday, the lodge had 10 heated log cabins, a cafe, a Chevron station, and modern bathrooms. In addition to this, they offered a "complete garage service" consisting of warm storage for up to 25 cars, a 24-hour a day wrecker service, tires, accessories, and most importantly, vehicle repairs. 

Movie Premise

 Little towns and little houses. Interesting premise for a movie. Just the people are normal sized ones. Now with choppy dialogue!

 

"Mom, why house so tiny?"

"Don't know, child."

 

Bacon on grill, trees on fire in background.

 

"Today. Nice day grilling friends."

"Yes. Agree."

 

"Dis hot dog good."

"Glad."

 

Haven't worked out the physics sci-fi aspect yet, but it's getting there. 

Favorites of Family Guy: Volume One

No Meals on Wheels

Season 5, Episode 14 of Family Guy!

I remember the first time I saw this episode—sitting next to my dad while he lied down, a few weeks before Christmas. Around us were all sorts of decorations; red tinsel and pots of poinsettias, my mom's favorite. Originally, my dad was a Family Guy skeptic—someone who thought the show stupid and mindless. Today, he loves the show and quotes it often when joking around with me...now we're both looking forward to season 24!

 

Anyways, this episode is one of my favorites, not just because of the sentimental value, but because of how offensive it was 🤣! My dad did not expect any of it at all, especially the 'scarejew' at the beginning. To think that Electric Man, Big Pete's House of Munch, and Crippletron are all in the same episode is pretty awesome! 

Morris' Nightmare 2013

I finally got around to transcribing the new lyrics from the 2013 revamp of Morris' Nightmare!

Morris' Nightmare is my favorite Jimmy Buffett tune! It was severely underplayed (a few times in the 70s and 2013). By far one of his funniest songs!

(Right after the musical bridge)

You know up in the city

everybody's on their cell
nothing much to do
when it feels like winter fell
ice scape
but mainly hibernate

now we're checking in on mars
got a new trophy wife
honey loves to tan
has she seen the surgeon's knife
full blown
blown to silicone

so they built the biggest boat
the world has ever seen
put a fire in the hole
and turned it into a matrine!

shadies on the pool deck
never been to cozumel
towed to alabama
couldn't lose that fucking smell
dream trip
now they're all on the big shit ship!

down in the islands where the happy folk say
never to be better (?)
they're stuck in mobile bay
it's okay
it's okay

it's alright
it's alright

you gotta do what you wanna
do what you like!

Simplisafe Ad Thoughts

I remember watching a simplisafe ad and there was a robber breaking in.

Then they showed a dispatcher at their call center talking over the camera saying, "Stop! Don't go anywhere. Police are on the way".

I don't know how this would deter robbers that much.

The Hunt for Frederick Langston's Office

"You know, I was in the Investigations Sector when it was evacuated.

Well, not THERE there.
I was in Executive because they have the best snack machines.
You may think they’re all there because of that plain white packaging,
but there’s a difference.
You know those thick ruffled potato chips?
They're my favorite.
All the machines outside Executive carry those flimsy little thin chips.
They have no texture.
I may as well eat cardboard."

- Frederick Langston, from Control

From his dialogue over the speaker in the Investigations Sector, it is heavily implied that he worked there before Hartman escaped. 

"Anyway, I get back to the elevator and they tell me the sector is being evacuated.

They wouldn't even let me go back in for my stuff!

Can you believe that?

I worked at that desk for years!

I had photos on it, my favorite stapler,

one of those good ones that could staple a 50-page report no problem,

a little cash, and some, uh, personal recordings."

- Frederick Langston, from Control

Among other things left behind, Langston mentions his personal recordings. The two recordings in question are "Langston: Me and You," and "Langston: Freestyle". Both of these mixtapes were found in the Shifted Offices. Featuring Langston himself, he dubbed these as "experimental music slash poetry" pieces.